


Stay

by nefarious_irusu



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Depressing, Depression, Established Relationship, Friendship, Gen, Hugs, One Shot, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Kissing, References to Depression, Self-Hatred, Short One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-21 07:15:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18139076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefarious_irusu/pseuds/nefarious_irusu
Summary: “It's bad again.”





	Stay

“It's bad again.”

Yuuri paused in the locker room doorway, stopping his journey out to the ice. He glanced at where Yuri sat on the bench, hoodie swallowing him whole and hiding his face.

“Yura?” He took a step back, waiting for Yuri to continue.

“I haven't been sleeping well and my head isn't right.”

Yuuri nodded, joining Yuri on the bench. He rubbed the younger's back gently, silently encouraging him to come closer. He inched the slightest bit closer, nestling into Yuuri's side.

“How can I help?” Yuuri whispered.

“Just… stay?”

That was something Yuuri could do. He wrapped his free arm around Yuri, pulling him into a proper embrace. “I'm here,” he assured him. “I'm not going anywhere.”

“I've needed this.” It was desperate, almost inaudible.

“You can always come to me,” Yuuri countered. He knew it was hard for Yuri to do so; he knew how hard it must have been for him to come to him, even now. “I know it's hard for you, but I'm always here.”

Yuri nodded, burying his face in Yuuri's shirt. “It's hard to sleep at night, and once I finally fall asleep, I get woken up by fucked up dreams.”

“And during the day?”

“It comes in waves,” he mumbled. “I'm already exhausted, and then I'll get waves of this weight in my chest all day. Feeling like I just want to curl up in a ball and rip my entire chest out because it just feels so heavy and hurt.”

“Oh, sweetie.”

“And if it's not depression, my heart will race and my skin will vibrate. My thoughts race and I'll start reliving the dreams I had, or panicking about nothing.”

“What is it right now?” Yuuri already had a clue that it wasn't anxiety- he had seen Yuri in a panic attack, and it was scary. 

“I want to go to sleep and never wake up.”

“I would miss you,” Yuuri murmured.

“I know,” Yuri replied. “And then that's why I start feeling guilty and panicking about hurting people, and knowing that I should go to someone, but it's so hard.”

“You came to me, and I'm proud of you for it. I'm so proud.”

“You shouldn't be.”

“But I am. I know how hard it was for you.”

Yuri sighed, fingering the fabric of Yuuri's shirt between his fingers. “It hurts,” he whispered, broken.

Yuuri rested his chin on Yuri's head, sneaking a kiss onto the crown of it. “I know it does. You're so strong, though, Yura.”

Yuri shrugged. “I don't feel strong.”

“But you are,” Yuuri affirmed. “You're strong.”

“I feel weak.”

“Will you tell me why?”

He shrugged again, dropping his fingers from Yuuri's shirt. “I feel like I can't control my mind, and that's weak.”

Yuuri shook his head. “No, that doesn't make you weak. Mental illness doesn't make you weak.”

“I just want it to stop,” he croaked. He was fisting Yuuri's shirt now, his hand shaking as he did.

“I would give anything if I could make your pain go away, Yura,” Yuuri admitted, swallowing hard. “But I can't make it stop. So instead, I'll be here with you until it subsides. Okay?”

Yuri nodded, wrapping his arms around Yuuri's waist and panting against his shirt. Yuuri could feel his heart pounding through the fabric, where their chests met. This depressive episode was turning into panic quickly, and Yuuri hugged Yuri back tighter to try and quell it.

“Breathe, Yura. I've got you.” Yuuri breathed onto Yuri's hair, taking care to keep his breath even and calm. “Breathe with me. You can do this. You're safe.”

“I'm scared. I'm hurting. It hurts, Yuuri.”

“I know. I know it does.” Yuuri rocked their bodies together in a slow, soothing motion. “It will pass. Remember that it will pass, okay?”

“It's been hurting for so long,” Yuri wailed.

“I know, sweetie. You've been so strong for so long, and I know you're tired.” He pulled Yuri onto his lap, holding him as close as possible. “Let go, and let me carry some of the hurt for you. You can lean on me.”

“I-I don't know how.” Yuri clutched at his collar, panting against Yuuri's shoulder. “I don't know how to let go.”

Yuuri shushed him, tangling his fingers into soft, blond locks. “Relax, and let your worries go. Don't think about your dreams, about your anxieties, about loneliness.” Yuuri kisses Yuri's hair. “You're safe, and I've got you. We're going to stay like this, safe and sound, for as long as you need. You aren't alone in this.”

Yuri whined softly, nodding against Yuuri.

“There we go,” Yuuri praised. He pet Yuri's hair rhythmically. “You're doing so well. This, right here, is all that matters right now. Let everything else become background noise.”

“I don't want to die,” Yuri rambled quietly. “I just don't want to feel like this anymore.”

“I know, sweetie.” Yuuri faltered, his breath hitching. “You can kill the parts that are hurting you, and we'll replace them with parts that you can love.”

Yuri nodded. “I need you,” he whispered.

“I need you, too.”

In a way, it was almost the equivalent of saying ‘I love you’. 

“I'm not ready to go yet.”

Yuuri nodded, rubbing Yuri's back. “We're going to stay here until it passes. There's no rush.”

“Thank you.”

“Thank you, Yura. Thank you for coming to me.”


End file.
